Dating sites: How to write the first message

Last Update : July 20, 2015

You’ve found an interesting profile and now you’re desperately searching for the right words to write in your first message? You’re racking your brain over it but you have a completely lack of inspiration? Don’t worry, the following steps will help you to create the perfect message!


First of all: keep in mind that you’re probably not the only person contacting your expected partner. Instead of sending boring, meaningless standard phrases you obviously have to stand out from the crowd if you want to catch attention. Wouldn’t it be annoying if your message isn’t even read? Yes, exactly! Nothing is more frustrating than to have no reaction at all.
So… How to do?

Describe yourself: which kind of single are you?

Introduce yourself in a few sentences but don’t repeat your profile. Show that you have more to offer, tell something that makes you special. While writing, don’t take yourself too seriously. You can also write using your sense of humour. Your goal is to tell something about you to get the interest of your potential partner. Do not give too many details, better stay a bit mysterious: isn’t it what makes others attractive to us?

Show your interest: you are looking for a relationship

When you’ll be writing your message, let your expected partner know that you have read his/her profile. This will already make you different from 99% of the superficial others who just look at the photo and make compliments about the physical appearance. You’re not (only) interested about that… Fortunately, you are a potential partner, one who’s really interested in his/her dates’ personalities. How you can prove this? By mentioning some activities you may share together. It’s even better if you find common interests: your contact will appreciate it. Nothing could be easier.

Get the right balance: you are searching for a date

Make sure you don’t overwhelm the other person with an endless text of senseless repeating phrases. Keep it short and it will be much more pleasant to read. However, with a short sentence like “Hey, how are you” you won’t get any attention and the chance to have a first date will drop to zero. Take your time, write some well-chosen sentences and it will be worth it. Don’t make your formulations too complicated or formal, which could risk sounding awkward. Be yourself while writing your introduction message, keep an easy-going attitude and you will leave a friendly, likeable impression.

Avoid the singles’ classic mistakes:

Firstly, as mentioned above: don’t focus your compliments on the look: keep it for your first date.
Secondly, don’t be too importunate and avoid intrusive offers, it’s misplaced in your first message. For example, don’t ask for a date in your first message. Make also sure to not introduce yourself as a lonely single desperately looking for a relationship, which wouldn’t sound attractive. Your potential partner might lose all interest he or she would have had so far.
Finally, don’t be too serious about all of this. Consider online dating as a game and have fun! If you don’t get an answer straight away, stay relaxed and keep in mind that there are so many other singles out there waiting to be contacted: you’ll find yours! Of course it takes some time to find true love!