#DatingQuestion: How do you know when it’s time to break-up?
Last Update : October 30, 2019 by Zoe
Being in a relationship can be an amazing experience. However, it is not always the case. Sometimes it feels that a relationship requires way yo much work. But is it normal? what are the red flags?
One of the most frequently asked dating questions is the following one: how to know when it is time to break-up?
Breaking up is never a pleasant thing to do, but sometimes it is important to know if you’re starting to be stuck in a relationship without a future.
How to know when you should break-up? – Signs to consider
Every relationship is unique, therefore it can become quite a complicated task to read the signs that tell you your relationship has reached the final destination. It depends on one side of your lifestyle, values and romantic expectations and on the other side on the dynamic you’ve created within your relationship.
In that sense, it is very important before you even consider taking further steps, to allow yourself some alone time to meditate on the pros and cons of your relationships, on your feelings and on the viability of your romance.
Does your relationship match your values and expectations?
A relationship is always a thing of two (at least in the most conventional way). That means that you have to consider yourself alone on one side, your partner on another side, and you two together.
What does that mean?
It means that if you separate these three parts apart, you’ll be able to examine the situation of your relationship as a whole.
You & your partner: telltale signs that your relationship is finished
If you’re considering breaking up, then we have to assume that you are the one having mixed feelings. That’s why the best way to tackle the question is to start asking questions to yourself.
- Do you feel fulfilled?
- Why are you wondering if you should break-up?
- Are you in love? do you feel loved, respected and admired?
- Do you feel that your partner helps you grow in life?
- If your relationship even?
- Do you feel listened to?
- Can you openly talk about your feelings?
- Do you feel you’re growing apart?
- Do you feel you’re compromising your values for your partner?
- Do you feel your needs are being met?
These are probably the most important questions you should start asking yourself. If you’ve answered positively to more than these 5 questions, then it’s because you’re relationship it’s not in such bad shape and perhaps instead of breaking-up you just need to have a good conversation with your partner to set some room for improvement.
If however, you’ve scored less than 5, then it’s time to think about how convenient it is for you to stay in your relationship.
Read more: Dating after a bad break-up: how to find the courage again!
Your partner: how to know if he/she’s the right one?
Let’s start by saying that the right one, is a very limiting concept. What is right and what is wrong? who marks it? and compared to what?
Indeed, there’s no universal right or wrong (as long and your relationship is not causing any sorts of pain or discomfort).
However, sometimes society sets us very strong and almost impossible expectations when it comes to love: you’ve got to find a loving partner, clever, sweet, in a good economical situation, romantic, fun, adventurous, nice with your family…and the list goes on and on.
Is that even possible? And if it’s not: do we tend to sabotage our relationships because of these impossible expectations?
As we said before, it is hard to know if your partner is the right one. At the end of the day, you will have to trust your guts.
You can, however, check some objective signs that will help you gauge if you’ve chosen wisely according to your own persona:
- Do you share the same values?
- Do you share some interests?
- Do you allow your own space?
- Do you feel co-dependent with each other?
- Is your partner excited about the future?
- Does your partner show appreciation?
- Does your partner make an effort to improve?
- Is your partner aware of your priorities?
- Do those priorities match with your partners’?
It is quite common for people that don’t have positive answers to these questions to experiment with constant relationship anxiety. You feel that you’re constantly trying to please your partner, or on the contrary, that your partner doesn’t do any effort to try to please you.
A telltale sign that your relationship is not on the right track is when you always talk about when your relationship was better, however, that never seems to be in the present.
Right now and right here: how content do you feel with your relationship?
Your relationship under the magnifying glass: it is time to break up?
One of the strongest signs that it is time to end your relationship is when you feel that you’re on completely two different pages. Do you feel bored in your relationship? Or are you constantly working to make it work?
Routine is important for a relationship but it can also kill it. However, if you start to feel that your routines are starting to become too repetitive and that makes you feel stuck, or, on the contrary, if you feel that you’re both starting to create separate and different routines (meaning that you guys prefer to spend time with your friends rather than together), then it probably means that you are in some subconscious way, starting the beginning of the end. And that’s ok. The end of a chapter can open the door to other opportunities.
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