Skip navigation

How do teenagers flirt?

Last Update : May 10, 2018

The approach to flirting is different if you are 16, 25 or 30 years old. The unwritten social rules and what is normal will be different as well as our approach depending on the age group we are in. Flirting and potentially dating a young woman – say under 20 years – won’t develop the same way as for someone who is younger or older. It’s important to remember that women under 20 are active and teenage ladies, no longer little girls. The interests for a young woman have changed – cute and attentive and smiling is not enough in a potential boyfriend or someone she may want to flirt with. Girls will mature sexually earlier than boys, and will be developing their fantasies and dreams. Particularly with teen dating and chat, they don’t want to talk or flirt with guys who act like little boys; young women want to find young men.

What teenage women want

If a young male would like to appeal to teenage females, there are some traits which must be obvious in order to give him a good chance of increasing his appeal. For instance, he must be independent, trustworthy, show leadership qualities, and enjoy socializing with the ‘in’ crowd.

If you are a young man wanting to seduce a young woman, it will all depend on your moves – and only your moves. While your friends may be helpful in making contact, it is up to you to do the work. This is the surest way to show the young lady of your desire that you are mature rather than a little boy. She needs to know that you are a man, and when you want something, you know how to get it, and you do get it – or at least try very hard.

The gradual approach works

Once you know which girl you are interested in, start small. Go talk to her, so that she can put a name to your face, and you can become someone she considers an acquaintance first. The initial few times, keep it short so that you are not heavy or overbearing. Then when you pass in the hallway, you can smile at her or nod as a way to maintain connection until your next interaction.

What you talk about is not very important in the beginning. Simple things such as the weather, the EEC, the menu in the cafeteria, various upcoming events. You only need a few words spoken to break the ice. Don’t forget to say your name to her, and end the conversation with a short phrase like “See you later” and follow it with a smile. It must be a gradual approach otherwise she may put up a wall. If she puts up a defense, it’s usually a verbal “no” as in, you have asked if she will go to an event with her the first time you ever talk to her. Of course, she says no, she doesn’t know you yet!

Don’t be afraid of what anyone else thinks

When you are a teen, it’s hard to feel self-confident. This means we end up being easily impressed by young teen women or other people in general, especially when in a group. If you don’t make the effort to contact and connect, you can easily end up alone in your shell. Just show that you are friendly with people like your neighbours, family, polite to strangers. It’s good practice and will show her that you are a well-balanced and confident individual.

Being ridiculed or made fun of is embarrassing, but it won’t kill you. Move beyond the fear of what other thinks. If friends laugh at you, it is because they don’t have the courage to go and approach a girl by themselves – though they want to as much as you do. Risk-taking is the only way to achieve a result. Young teenage women want guys who will do what many are afraid of – take the initiative and start the conversation!

Befriend the friends

When you are friendly, sociable, and a little worldly (volunteer, part-time job, anything unique) you will attract the attention of the girl you want to get to know, but also the attention of her friends. Some young women like to surround themselves with their friends, as though they are wearing a virtual chastity belt, but that’s just to play the game of being inaccessible to guys and as a way of testing if you are worthy. The guy she will probably think is worthy is the one that is willing to make the effort in the first place.

It is critical to have the support of her friends! But do so carefully, they may become jealous, act like animals, or they may want to play matchmaker – never a good idea! One way to overcome the wall of female friends she may have around her is to be as close as you would to the rest of your friends in your behaviour – for instance, sympathize, joke around, have a bit of fun with them while ignoring your target. This can be very effective.

When not to take the lead

If she continues to ignore you after many attempts at contact, just let it go. Don’t try to understand it, but life as a teen can be complicated so just be patient and move on to someone else. Most of the time it’s not about you anyway.

If you really have a girl’s attention and don’t want it

Don’t stick to her like glue – just work on your interpersonal skills and be a friend to everyone. Eventually, she will not be interested in you.

If she tells you that she already has a boyfriend

This could be an excuse to give you so that she doesn’t go out with you, or it is the truth. It is not an insurmountable obstacle – be a friend to her, and you may be able to prove that you are better than her boyfriend. For instance, cooler, funnier, more social and well spoken.

If she is interested in one of your friends

You got her attention, and she likes you, but you are just a buddy to her. The one she really likes is your friend! Wish them well and move on to someone else.

What does not kill us makes us stronger

If it doesn’t work, or doesn’t work out with the young woman you liked, don’t fear – you have will have lots of opportunities. Don’t start hating yourself, just realize that it is the practice that makes perfect in finding and developing a relationship. For a while after you may feel as though you are foolish and inexperienced, this is not true because you tried after all, and now you know an approach that doesn’t work for you. Don’t think to yourself that she is better than you – you approached her after all. Don’t be fooled by anyone’s threat to your reputation, true friends will see through it.

Have fun mixing up your style and way of approaching young women. It gets easier every time, and be secure in the knowledge that you can flirt and hang out with the girl of your dreams.